10 Things That Men Want InWardLy With A Woman
In this article you will learn:
Why women’s magazines are wrong about what men are looking for and want in a woman, and how you can use it to your advantage.
What men find really attractive qualities in women – without understanding this, you don’t understand why the inside often makes the most of it.
What you can do to look smarter about a man.
Why every man hates drama (Hint: he can’t do anything about it.)
… and much more
As a dating coach I get to hear all kinds of things every day…
hear all about what’s not going well in a customer’s relationship. Or from a man he’s looking for in a woman. Or what a woman thinks a man sees in her.
The funny thing is that what women think a man finds attractive is often not the most important thing at all.
Often women think that men think it’s very important how they look.
And you’re partly right about that. Of course men want a pretty woman. And are we biologically programmed to look for a woman who looks the best.
But there are a whole lot of other needs that men have. And they happen to weigh much more than the look. Especially when we’re in a relationship with you.
If you ask the average man what he finds attractive, he will undoubtedly start talking about the external characteristics he prefers to see in a woman. Let him describe his dream wife. And then ask him, “And suppose this woman couldn’t talk and always threw away your beer before you could drink it. Would you like to have a relationship with her?”
I think you can guess the answer…
clearlyA attractive inner is hugely important for men. We don’t talk about it very often. But let’s be honest: women don’t ask about it very often either. Except for me, because I’m a dating coach.
“And when a woman starts talking about this, I often have to clear up misunderstandings.”
You can’t build a palace until you’ve demolished the ugly apartment building that now stands on that spot.
Before a woman comes to me, she’s been influencing me for years. Through commercials. Television. And above all, women’s magazines.
Normally, I’m at the front of the house to agree when men are at fault for something. I mean, I think I’m great, but sometimes me and my fellow men do downright stupid things. But when it comes to what we look for attractive qualities in women, I think most of the misunderstandings arise because women make assumptions. With women’s magazines first.
“These are full of tips on how to look better – and how this will help you get a man”
coverEn it makes sense for those magazines to start on that. Their main sources of income are make-up advertisements that can be found around the page. If a woman is unsure about her success with men and you want to sell her something, tell her that this helps her to beat her dream man.
But the reality is different. For men it is very simple with appearance: a six is enough. As long as you look good enough, we’ll be fine with it. Because you can look nice from a distance, but if we freak out when you start talking to us, we’re still running away.
To prevent you from scaring away your dream man by saying something to him that he prefers to climb a tall tree, I’ve listed below the ten things that men care most about inwardly. Some of them are recognizable feminine features, some more surprising.
I think that most women spend too much time working on their appearance
redFaith me, if you wear good-fitting clothes, are not too thick or too thin and look healthy, that is often enough. But what you can’t get away with – in a relationship at least – is a lousy inner self. So stop your obsession with small outward details: we men don’t see them at all. We just look “if we would do you”, and the answer is “yes” then we focus on your inner self.
And if men fix up on that with you, it’s not your fault. Because has anyone ever told you that men care about the inside? Has that ever given you a chance to work on it? Exactly.
Therefore, below is the list of things that a man finds attractive to a woman’s inner self.
Based on all my conversations and coaching sessions with men over all my years as a dating coach.
1: No man likes a knee ear
men are not exactly fond of a depressed dodo. Who does nothing but stare in the mirror, licks her eyebrows and resents that she doesn’t look like the Photoshopped anorexic customer on the cover of the latest Cosmopolitan.
What we love is very simple: confident femininity. It’s a very attractive trait.
Show that you like a man, and don’t be ashamed of it.
Glad you’re a woman, and happy with the cards you’ve been dealt.
Be comfortable in your own skin, and be happy with who you are.
I remember meeting a female radio host after an interview.
This is seriousThis woman was, to put it, not blessed with a very good looks. She’ll probably be the first to joke that this is why she does radio and no TV. In any case, she was not nominated for a beauty award…
… But she didn’t care about this.
She was cheerful, quiet and happy. You could tell from everything about her that she was in a good place. Even though she may not have been pretty, she was happy. I saw the way she looked at her boyfriend – and I’m not an expert in this field, but he was once in a list of best dressed men in the Netherlands – and I immediately understood why he had fallen for her. She may not have been mom’s prettiest, but she had a dike of charisma. As a result of her self-confidence, and her satisfaction with who she was.
2: You don’t use a man for validation
Every man has ever had a relationship with a woman who did nothing but call him or send messages. Showering him with questions he couldn’t do anything with. All kinds of excuses to make contact with him. And once every three days, she started a fight because she had doubts about whether he liked her enough.
Too many women are very insecure about their femininity and about their personality. They are the opposite of what a man finds attractive, as you have been able to read at Ding 1. And there’s a very simple cause for this.
“They’re looking for confirmation from one man.”
Some women have become vulnerable and insecure for some reason. When they get into a relationship with a nice man, they can hardly believe this.
Instead of talking about this openly and honestly – which is of course very difficult – they decide to solve this problem by checking every five minutes to see if that man is still there for them.
They want constant confirmation that they are attractive and wanted
unread messages And especially from their boyfriend. Their desire to be liked is so strong that they seem desperate. Spoiler alert: men don’t find this attractive.
The signal these women are sending is: “I have not been considered attractive in the past. I don’t understand why you don’t agree with them. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.” The pressure of her uncertainty is moved to him. And every right-thinking man fits this.
This is quite painful, because a woman who is already insecure can get a thump from the man who leaves her. And I also understand that such uncertainty does not come out of the blue, and that there have often been quite nasty things. But fortunately, there is a fairly simple solution to this.
View. If you make other people responsible for how good you feel about yourself, you’re going to have a hard time.
On the other hand, every human being needs to be liked by other people. That’s so healthy.
You want to create a middle ground where you enjoy the positive things that other people think of you, without having to ask for them.
Go for fun and dance with girlfriends, and see how many men are lurking at you. Then look how many of them – and it’s only a small part – can have the guts to appeal to you.
If you have a sport where you get a lot of satisfaction, try to get better at it
woman-mad-at-manIt’s good for your confidence and you lose some tension.
Spend time with other women who support you. Get confirmation from the friends you have around you. That support you and don’t pull you down.
Be grateful for the things you have accomplished today and the things you will do tomorrow. Realize that self-confidence can’t be talked to, but you have to earn it. By working hard and gathering the right people around you. And not to be ashamed of who you are. Especially as a modern woman.
If you are not dependent on a man for your confirmation, this will cause pressure from the boiler. Which gives him the chance to develop feelings for you at his own pace. Instead of you constantly checking with him to see if they’re already there.
3: Be satisfied with yourself
appearance-enhancing I mentioned at number 2 the insecure woman who constantly needs confirmation.
But there is also the insecure woman who is constantly fighting.
These women wrongly describe themselves as “strong, confident and independent”. They think men should be intimidated by them. In reality, men find them a wise nose and have no need to spend time with someone who is constantly fighting with them.
Someone who wants to achieve his happiness all the time is terribly annoying to deal with, male or female. And if you can’t stop being smart, a man simply won’t find room to show that he likes you.
Let’s say you tell a man you find him attractive, and he makes this a mockery of him with a side note…
OopsDan you wouldn’t feel comfortable either. The same goes for a man. The fact that he’s giving you attention and talking to you is a big deal to him. It takes courage because his social status is related to how women judge him. When you walk out of the clown and argue with him all the time, it feels like you’re playing with his ego. There’s no winning for a man in this, except by walking away from it. So whatever happens in the end.
If this is something you struggle with, try to be satisfied with who you are. Avoids discussions with men, and unnecessarily do. I know it takes courage, but try to enjoy your feminine side. The side that likes a strong man showing interest in her.
4: Have an opinion
Having no opinionThis may sound a little contradictory to the previous Thing. But it’s not.
There’s a difference between constantly discussing things you don’t care about, or calmly expressing your opinion on things that matter to you.
Men want to know your taste. We’ll be interested if we’re attracted to you. When we go out to dinner with you, we want to know what you like. If you don’t know that, or it takes you as long to make a choice until the kitchen is closed, we’ll annoy you.
A woman with no taste is totally uninteresting. The reason is simple. If you don’t have taste and you like us, what does this mean? Does it matter how we work as men or did we just happen to come along and you had nothing to do? It takes self-knowledge to know what you like. But this is something a man finds attractive. He wants a woman who makes conscious choices. So he can feel good about himself. This makes it more fun to be around you.
I notice in my coaching practice that men who have a woman without an opinion don’t actually respect her. It works like this in free-range, too. We sleep with them, but there is not much respect there. Therefore, don’t be afraid to tell you what you think.
5: Make us feel like we’re doing well
Reward him If a man has a girlfriend, he wants to make her happy.
It’s in his man’s DNA to try that. He feels insecure if he fails to do so.
And if he doesn’t know what your taste is, it’s going to be very difficult to accomplish that mission.
Conversely, a man loves it when you reward him when he “does well”. In this respect, we are like dogs who need tight guidance. “This is kind of fun, and this isn’t fun.” It gives a man confidence in his abilities. That’s good for his self-esteem. It gives his ego another boost.
So the next time your husband comes with a bunch of roses – and you actually like this – let him subtly (or not so subtly) notice how much you appreciate it.
6: Have your own life
ActionA woman who is only focused on her husband is going to annoy us.
She has nothing to talk about. She depends on him. She adds few new things to his life.
It’s much more fun when she “does her own thing.” That’s how she has something to say at the end of the day. How it was with her friends. What she’s accomplished today. Where she’s going tomorrow.
7: Let him work for you
Body-watching No, I don’t mean you should let him do the dishes for you tonight. Or that you should let him vacuum the whole house before he gets a kiss. Nor that you play “hard to get” and ignore him, unless he jumps through a pair of hoops you’ve drawn up like a submissive seal.
What I do mean is that you let him make an effort that matches his level of interest in you. You also know that if you like someone very much, you are willing to make a lot of effort for that person. But psychological research has shown that it also works the other way around: we value things more.
What you want to avoid is that he likes you, but he loses interest because he has little trouble doing for you. This is what can happen because men have a hunter’s instinct.
They are biologically programmed to make an effort first…
Organic… and then receive the reward in the form of a nice piece of meat. We find it easy to get our meat out of the Supermarket, in such a bowl with cellophane, but it doesn’t make us feel very masculine and attractive. Whereas it gives much more satisfaction when we have shot the bear itself.
If he’s interested, it’s okay not to spend a day not responding to his messages. This gives him the signal that you are not at his disposal 24/7. This is true of the image he already has of you: after all, he likes you and expects the rest of the world to love you too. This is reflected by the fact that you didn’t answer him for a while via WhatsApp.
And this is just a simple example. You want to give him time to miss you and long for you. This is only possible if he doesn’t see you every minute of the day, and sometimes there’s some time in between. Or that sometimes you ask of him so he can be the noble knight. It’s the cliché of a man opening a jar of pickles for a woman. Sure, you can usually do this yourself, but it makes men feel good when they get to do it for you.
8: Respect his space
when-distance-takeEver man wants to feel big and strong. But every man has his demons.
What if a man has problems? Then he is forced to deal with this in his own way and on his own time. The only way he can do this is if his girlfriend doesn’t gass him in the neck.
That doesn’t have to do with him not liking you, or not liking your help. But how he’s psychologically assembled prevents him from accepting this help. Think of it that way. In the past, the men were responsible for protecting the tribe. Including the women. And if there was a hostile tribe at the door, it would be better if the women hid as quickly as possible while the men made short work of the invaders. If a woman were to say, “I don’t want to get involved in anything.” Then this was totally inappropriate and she was pushed aside.
Fortunately, our safety is now guaranteed, for both men and women.
SafeBut it’s still in the male nature to shield women from problems that we are. I hope you don’t blame us too much. Because if you can accept that, then you’re doing yourself and your friend a great favor with that.
The moment you try to help your friend in times of stress, if only if he can’t find his way, he’ll feel less like a man. He’ll think, “This woman thinks I can’t take good care of her. Who does she think she is?” He sees it as offensive and will quickly shoot on the defensive. So if you notice this, try to take a few deep breaths and especially not try it again. If you’re lost because it doesn’t work out well with the map, so be it. It’ll only take 10 minutes longer. Because I think your satisfaction in the relationship may be more important than whether you’re 10 minutes late, yes or no.
conclusionIf your husband is about to drive into a ravine, it is so useful to make him aware of this. But for everything else, when it comes to non-life-threatening situations, it’s appreciated by men when you don’t get into their space.
And this is also true if there’s something wrong with him. Let’s say his cat died and he’s very sad. He may then have a tendency to ise. A lot of women think this is up to them. That they did something wrong. “Why can’t he express his emotions?” But it’s not the women. It’s simple: his cat Poekie is dead and he simply needs the time to process this in himself. He can’t use you on that. And when he can, he’ll come to you by himself. He’s got your number.
9: Kick as little drama as possible
warning Look. Of course, your mood changes sometimes. Are you having a bad day, or are you a little sad? That makes sense.
But for us men, this works very differently. We have two facial expressions. Happy and unhappy. There’s another one in between, and that’s the expression we use on our faces 99% of the time. We are very occasionally happy or unhappy, but that is it. Our “range” of emotions is a lot smaller than yours. We understand that on an intellectual level. But if you go through a huge range of emotions in a few hours, we don’t understand any of this emotionally. We simply can’t follow it.
No, I’m not going to say you should just leave it to go through these emotions. That’s not so much the problem either, although it helps if you can give a little text and explanation here and there so that a man understands you better. But there’s one thing that’s really good for men, which is very much associated with mood swings.
Divorce Drama is when a woman reacts her mood swings to a man, or makes him the suffering object in it. An employee of mine told me that when his girlfriend had her period, he always started to doubt the relationship. Once he realized it was always around her period, he could live with it. But before that, he found it very irritating. It really fell out of the sky for him, and his girlfriend forced him to rush to make her feel better. Men don’t mind if you fly in all directions, even though we don’t understand much about it. But what we do find annoying is when we experience pressure because of this. We certainly don’t want that pressure.
One solution that is often mentioned is to be as positive as possible. Positivity is never wrong, but the bad thing about mood swings is that they are not easy to control. There’s nothing you can do about that with positivity. The only thing you can keep in mind is that sometimes it’s better not to kick drama. Don’t blame him. Intense emotions in other places and with other people than with a man you like. Anything to keep him out of the wind.
If you understand that it’s stressful for a man – we’re not built on it – then you also understand why men avoid drama like the plague. Maybe you can help us by taking this into account.
Intelligent Because of all those women’s magazines, you’d almost forget. But men like it, an intelligent woman.
That doesn’t mean you have to be the new Einstein, or you have to have studied. But research shows that most relationships work best if the participants have about an equal IQ. With big differences, it gets a little trickier.
Let me illustrate this with the example of an acquaintance. He was scavenged for a while with a woman who was beautiful and had a good time, but still he broke up with him after a while. He was completely relieved that sometimes she came up with things around the corner that didn’t seem very smart to say the least. Or as he put it: “I don’t see a challenge in a woman who thinks Batman is based on a true story.”
Oh, who am I kiying? It wasn’t knowledge. It was me.
Now, of course, you can’t really control how intelligent you are. But you can always do things to look smarter and develop yourself. Read books. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Try to learn from others. All those things work to make sure you get the right connection.
So. These were the 10 attractive traits of women that men are looking for.
It’s a whole list, and some things can do more than others.
However, there is one thing that is so hugely important that I couldn’t put it in between.
It’s so powerful, I need a little more time and space to get it right to you.
That’s why I made the Men’s Secret. If you leave your comments below, I’ll send you this secret immediately. And of course I protect your email address like a pit bull.